Returning to Work After Maternity Leave: Coming Back Changed
This summer, I didn’t see any clients.
This is different for me. It’s the longest stretch of time I’ve been off work since I was 14 years old.
I’ve always valued hard work and achievement, both academically and professionally. I earned my associate degree a couple of months before I graduated high school. I’m the first person in my family to earn a graduate degree. I’ve been a 4.0 student more often than not. I took summer classes because I couldn’t stand to stall my academic progress. I’ve almost always been the youngest person in my class, at work, or in a group of friends.
At 27, I opened my own business and began running a modest private practice.
For more than a decade, these have been the building blocks of my identity:
Honors student
Financially independent
Hard worker
Social worker
Supervisor
Business owner.
Now I can add another one to that list: Mom.
I’ve been wrestling with the concept of going back to work when I’m not the same person who left. The elements of my identity that felt so important before suddenly look different in contrast to the sacred honor of being someone’s mother.
Not unimportant. Just different.
Much like my reflections in Growing a Practice… and a Person, this whole journey continues to embody a dialectical experience: two seemingly contradictory things being true at the same time.
It feels so good to be seeing clients again,
and when I’m finished, I waste no time rushing right back upstairs to be with my girl.
I missed my professional identity,
and I have no desire to escape my motherhood bubble.
I feel fulfilled being home,
and I still feel energized by returning to clinical work.
I want to be present for every moment with my daughter,
and I want to model for her what it looks like to be a dynamic, fulfilled woman.
And I can return to the same profession while bringing a different perspective into the room.
As therapists, we work hard not to impose ourselves on our clients, but it is inevitable that we bring parts of ourselves into the room. Sometimes it’s as simple as the Vans I’ve worn to sessions, giving away the elder emo that I am. Other times, it’s something less obvious: our own history, morals, culture, hobbies, or lived experiences.
Pretending, as therapists, that we aren’t human beings with lives outside of the therapy room is shortsighted. Instead, it’s important that we remain aware of what we bring into sessions and mindful of whether it remains helpful to our clients.
Outside of the dark circles under my eyes (send coffee while I’m in the newborn trenches) I now bring a more holistic appreciation of the people sitting across from me, particularly mothers.
When I worked with more kids, I’d routinely have parents ask me if I was a parent myself.
Initially, I took offense.
I went to school. I did the continuing education. I completed the trainings. I knew how to do my job.
But they weren’t asking me if I was a good therapist.
They were asking me if I understood parenthood.
They were asking if I understood them.
Before having a child, I’d notice an ounce of defensiveness rise up inside me whenever I was asked that question.
Now I get it.
There is so much about parenthood that is contradictory and simultaneously true.
Feeling profoundly blessed by parenthood,
and grieving parts of your old self.
Loving your child with every fiber of your being,
and desperately needing a break for yourself.
Forgetting an appointment,
and carrying an enormous cognitive load all day long: when did they last eat, what do they need next, what does that cry mean, what are they trying to tell me?
Doing what is best for your family,
and recognizing that it may look completely different from what is best for the families around you.
I understood these things before, in theory. I wholeheartedly believed my clients when they told me they were overwhelmed, conflicted, touched out, guilty, grateful, exhausted, or desperate for a break.
But understanding something conceptually and recognizing it in your own body and life are different experiences.
As I return to work, this is what I’m bringing into the therapy room.
I’m not the same person who left.
At New Leaf Psych, I’m currently accepting new clients for evening and Saturday morning appointments. Submit an appointment request today to get scheduled.