Growing a Practice… and a Person

Last year I started a private practice, got married, and found out I was pregnant. All things I’ve dreamed about since I was a little girl. Life has felt so abundant—truly, I’ve been blessed. What I wasn’t expecting (and perhaps this is naive of me) was the grief I’d feel. I love working for myself, I love my husband even more, and I’m overwhelmed with honor and gratitude to be becoming someone’s Mama.

What I didn’t expect was the absolute transformation all of these life transitions would have on my identity. Earlier last year, I wouldn’t have called myself a business owner, wife, or mother, and this year I do. When I found out I was pregnant, I was overwhelmed. I took a walk in a park across from my office and was filled with emotion. It was the same kind of feeling when someone close to you dies; you know your life will never be the same, but you look around and everyone is carrying on. On my walk, I could feel the leaves crunch below my feet, kids were laughing as they played on the jungle gym, and as I’d do my laps, I heard a woman talking casually on her phone. They had no idea my life was changing! It almost felt offensive that they continued with their day—although I realize that was entirely unreasonable of me.

As the months have pressed on, I’ve been able to wrap my often-worried mind around this new chapter. I’ve spent endless nights up late talking to my husband. I’ve read the books and listened to the podcasts. I’ve been to the doctor’s appointments, listened to that precious heartbeat, and swooned over the ultrasound pictures. I’ve intently talked with and listened to mamas who have done this before me. Close family and friends have offered to help too. The overarching message, though, being “This is normal” and “You’ll figure it out.”

I hate that. I like stability, certainty, knowing. This chapter has challenged my mental and physical being in ways I truly didn’t understand during my walk in that park. The only thing I can truly count on is change; and with that, I know I’ll continue to be challenged.

At 25 weeks, I can confidently say I’ve grown more excited. Giddy over little baby clothes, home renovations, baby proofing, and tiny little kicks. I’m obnoxious and obsessed. Its hard to have a conversation about anything else. I’M HAVING A FREAKING BABY! 

I’m a firstborn, outspoken, bossy, independent big sister and daughter. What this has taught me, so far, is that you can’t do things alone. You need your supports around—professionally, personally, and beyond. That life will challenge you, and that you’ve survived all your hardest days already. That feeling grief, joy, gratitude, fear, and excitement all at once is okay. And, dare I say, normal.

Cheers to change. Cheers to motherhood. And cheers to doing it anyway, even if you’re scared and excited - all at the same time.

Whether it is pregnancy, death, divorce, big moves, or a job change - trust me - it’s much easier with some support. If you need it, you know where to find us.

Elena