The Silent Strain of the Holiday Season

Movies, social media, and decades-long traditions create an illusion that the holidays are nothing but magic and connection. No doubt, that can be part of it. Ideally, the holidays are a time to take off work, gather with family, and enjoy great food.

But what the movies don’t show are the moments between snowflakes falling and eating Christmas tree cookies: 

The anxious buildup to seeing family you haven’t spoken to in years. 

The seemingly inevitable yelling between relatives.

The decades-old hurt that resurfaces next to the Christmas tree.

If you resonate with these experiences, you are far from alone. Seasons like this stir up things inside us and things around us; like family dynamics, holiday stress, and social expectations. For those who’ve experienced trauma or abuse within their family, these reminders can pull us right back into that same painful space. For others who struggle with seasonal depression, low motivation, or anxiety, the pressure to host and socialize can feel overwhelming. 

Each year, I’ve had the honor of supporting people through some of the most intimate parts of their lives. The holiday season often brings up similar challenges for many. With that in mind, I’d like to offer a few mental health-informed self-care strategies to help ease the silent strain of the season:

• Share the workload. You don’t need to cook every dish, clean the entire house, or plan every moment. Let others help. 

• Talk it out. Speak with friends, family, or mental health providers about what’s coming up for you. Many can relate. Just like the tasks, you don’t have to carry the emotional weight alone.

• Say no and set boundaries. Your emotional and physical energy are finite. Like a battery, you only have so much to give before you need to recharge. Check in with yourself. If you don’t have the bandwidth to take on another task, host longer, or give more of yourself—it’s okay to say “no.” 

The holidays aren’t all joyful, and they’re not all painful either. It’s almost certain that something won’t go as planned this season. When that happens, come back to your “why.” Why do you put in the effort? Why does this time of year matter to you? Most of the time, the bumps along the way don’t erase the meaning behind it all.